Mastering Negative Thinking: Emma’s Journey to Freedom
Caught in the Churn
Emma sat at her kitchen table, hands cradling a steaming mug of coffee, gazing out at the peaceful morning scene. The occasional chirp of a bird broke the stillness, but Emma barely noticed, the calm outside sharply contrasting the relentless noise in her head. As she contemplated the report she was working on, her thoughts spiralled endlessly: “What if I get this wrong? What if people think I’m incompetent? Why can’t I just focus like everyone else?”
She replayed yesterday’s meeting in her head for the hundredth time. “Did I sound stupid when I said that? Maybe they think I don’t know what I’m doing.” The more she thought about it, the more certain she became: “I probably made a fool of myself.”
She remembered what a friend had told her about CBT and challenging her thoughts, battling them and trying to focus on more positive thoughts. But the harder she tried to fix these thoughts, the worse they seemed to get, almost as if the attention given to thinking just fuelled more thinking.
Deep down, Emma had always believed she was her thoughts – that if her mind told her something, it must be true because it was her and it was a true reflection of what was going on in her life.
On her drive to the office, Emma tuned into a podcast discussing the idea that thoughts aren’t always true, and that they don’t define who we are. This sparked a question in her mind: what if her thoughts weren’t the whole story?
A New Perspective: Constructive vs. Destructive Thinking
The following morning, during a particularly overwhelming spiral of “What ifs?” Emma stumbled across an idea that stopped her in her tracks, “Not all thinking is helpful”.
As she reflected, she began to notice two types of thinking in her mind. Some thoughts felt constructive – present, clear, and grounded. These were the moments when she could focus on real problems and find solutions.
But most of her thoughts weren’t like that. They were destructive, driven by fear, doubt, and the need to fix how she felt. Thoughts like: “What if everything goes wrong?”, “They’re probably laughing at me.”, “Why can’t I be as good as everyone else?”
These thoughts didn’t help her – they just churned and grew louder.
What if, she wondered, she didn’t have to believe every thought her mind produced? What if her thoughts were more like passing clouds or trains passing through a station, moving through but not necessarily representing the truth?
Understanding the Origins of Thoughts
As Emma explored further, she began to see patterns. Her destructive thoughts often came from unresolved emotions – moments when she had felt uncomfortable feelings or overwhelmed but hadn’t allowed herself to process it. Other times, her thoughts felt like echoes from her past, voices she had picked up from teachers, colleagues, or even society.
She also noticed that her state of being influenced her thinking. When she was tired, stressed, even hungry, her thoughts became distorted, focusing on the worst-case scenarios, her views, ideas and expectations became more negative or hostile. When she felt calm and centred, her mind was clearer and her thoughts kinder.
Emma realised that her thoughts weren’t facts – they were reflections of her state, her habits, and sometimes even the collective energy of the people around her.
Reconnecting with Energy-Flow
This realisation felt like a breakthrough. Emma started to notice how her thoughts changed with her ‘energy-flow’. When she tuned into her True Self, her mind felt quieter, more focused, and naturally constructive.
She realised that she didn’t have to fix every thought or follow every train of worry. Instead, she could gently redirect her attention back to her body, the now moment and her ‘energy-flow’, allowing her True Self to guide her.
When destructive thoughts arose, she reminded herself: “This is just a reflection of where I am right now. I don’t need to fight it or fix it.” By allowing herself to feel her emotions without overthinking, she started to reconnect with her natural sense of clarity and ease.
Surrendering the Need to Control
One of Emma’s biggest breakthroughs came when she realised how much of her thinking was about – trying to fix, force, or avoid feelings. But she had learned that the harder she pushed, the more tangled her mind became. The more wobbly or insecure she felt internally, the more she tried to control the external. She could see that what she was unconsciously trying to do was manage her feelings by attempting to control life. Her realisation was this external focus wasn’t working. The more she tried to control life the more tense she felt.
So, she decided to try a different approach: surrender. Not as giving up, but as letting go of the need to control everything. She began to trust her energy-flow, knowing that clarity and wisdom would arise when she stopped meddling with herself.
It was like tending a garden. She could water the plants and nurture the soil, but she couldn’t make them grow. Growth happened in its own time, and her job was simply to create the conditions for it.
Living Beyond the Egoic-Mind
As Emma continued this practice, she began to feel a deeper sense of peace. She realised that her egoic-mind – the part of her that worried, overthought, and sought control – wasn’t the whole of her. Beyond it was something quieter, calmer, and more expansive: her True Self.
Her True Self didn’t need to prove anything or solve every problem. It didn’t get caught in loops of overthinking. It simply was – a steady presence beneath the noise of her mind.
The more she leaned into this part of herself, the freer she felt. Her thoughts no longer defined her. She was no longer trapped by them.
Gratitude and Ease
A few months passed and Emma was once again sitting sipping her hot coffee sat at her kitchen table. She reflected on how far she had come. The storm in her mind had calmed, and in its place was a quiet gratitude – for the warmth of the cup in her hands, for the breath in her lungs, for the simple joy of being present.
She still had challenges, but she faced them differently now. Instead of pushing and forcing, she leaned back and trusted her wisdom, her energy-flow. Instead of overthinking, she allowed her True Self to guide her.
Observing and Redirecting
Emma’s story reminds us that mastering negative thinking isn’t about control, trying to manage or manipulate our thinking – it’s about changing our relationship with our thoughts. Here are a few practices to try this week:
Observe Your Thoughts: Imagine them as trains passing by. Which ones are worth boarding, and which can you let go? Remember that when you jump on a train the experience will reflect the destination that train is heading for. If that destination is Painsville, then inner turmoil might prevail.
Distinguish Thinking Patterns: Ask yourself: Is this constructive or destructive? If it’s destructive, gently redirect your attention back to your body or breath.
Let Go of Control: When a thought arises, reconnect with the body and feeling. When we approach things holistically and recognise that most of our thinking is influenced by the physiological state of our body in the moment, we can make more informed decisions as to when and how to act. Critically, this development of self-awareness helps to reshape our relationship with our thinking.
Reconnect with the Present: Anchor yourself in the here and now. Notice the sensations in your body, the rhythm of your breath, and the space around you.
Mastering your mind doesn’t mean silencing it – it means recognising its patterns and choosing where to focus your attention and energy.
What would change for you if you stopped trying to control every thought and trusted your inner wisdom and energy-flow instead? Share your reflections in the comments – I’d love to hear your insights!